So, as the events of this year have seriously scared the bejesus out of me I have decided to get fit and lose the, errmm, <coughs sheepishly> love handles!  Yeah, ok, ok, handles with the rest of the furniture attached, I know!  The first goal being to dump the 4XL shirts and wear the decent gear I have waiting patiently in my wardrobe, the second goal is doing the Wainright Coast to Coast walk next September and the third, and most important goal, is simply to give myself the best possible chance of a future.  Other little things come into it like using a profile pic on Facebook that isn’t 20 years old, before I became a civil servant and vegetated or pics of a long deceased, but dearly loved pet!  Vanity, I can’t even start thinning on top in a regular way, it has to be in an odd shape that………..I digress – health!

I cook.  I do a reasonable job of it.  Anyone that knows me, I’m sure never thinks “I wonder if he eats enough?” – not a chance.  But to change a diet that you’re used to is quite challenging.  I’ve always been a salt fiend, got it from my Dad I think, but not a great idea when your family history is littered with hypertension.  Ok, so I cut my salt intake drastically and spent a week sweating like a pig and peeing almost uncontrollably – the excess fluid, retained from too much salt, escaping I’m led to believe!  It was uncomfortable but the net result is I feel better for it – one little victory!  Next problem, everything seemed totally bland without salt (or I should say it didn’t taste of salt any more) so what do you do to compensate?  I’ve been told to use, amongst a raft of other things, Garlic, Chilli, Olives, Anchovies (ahem, hello? instead of salt?? Have you ever tasted these??) and Capers – what the hell is a Caper? – I thought it was something Enid Blightons’ teenagers got into? They look like bits of houseplants pickled in vinegar, and perhaps unsurprisingly, taste like it too!  The only difference I’ve noticed from eating capers is an increase in windypops!  But, as my taste buds recover and start to taste things as they should be I’m using less and less seasonings anyway, which can’t be a bad thing?  Everything in moderation.  To be fair, eating hasn’t really been the problem (bar the salt thing), I don’t snack between meals with chocolate and crisps etc and I really do just have breakfast, lunch and tea (although I’m sure certain people won’t believe that, one practice nurse in particular), no, my problem is not doing enough exercise – I’m lazy!

So, with that in mind, I’ve bought a piece of gym equipment, a cross trainer to be exact – nearly wiped me out building the thing, I’m that out of shape!  I’ve done a few sessions on it and first time out I thought someone had set fire to my lungs, lasted seven minutes!  Second time out, lasted slightly longer, but my thighs refused to work for quite a while after. It’s getting easier though and, once the stiffness and soreness has worn off, I’m sure I’ll feel the benefits of a good cardio workout – I do already to be fair!  I’m on the march!

Alcohol?  Well, I don’t drink in the house, as a rule, and I’m not out every weekend.  Apparently though, because I chose to drink this way, when I do go out, I’m classed as a binge drinker, although to be fair, when myself and Mr Parker get on the Stella, it could be misconstrued as binge drinking, especially with Desperado now lurking with intent in the cooler of the local!

Tonight’s a night in and an exception to the rule, a bottle of Sangre de Toro, a lovely full bodied Spanish red and maybe a glass (or two) of Laphroaig (my very favourite Scotch) as a nightcap – what the hell, I’ve earned it!

I raise a glass – “To your health everyone! CHEERS!”