Where do I start?  ‘My Journey’?  As everyone who knows me already knows, I’ve had three crushing blows this year; Nina, Tony and my brother Alan, all taken far too soon!

     

It’s been damned hard to muster the strength to even get out of bed at times, I don’t mind admitting it and I’m sure no one will question me for having  felt that way.  Of course I’ve felt sorry for myself, felt incredibly lonely and screamed “Why me!” and, of course, just cried uncontrollably!  I’d tell anyone in the same situation to do the same because you can’t bottle raw emotion like that – it will rip you apart!

So many people have been hit hard by so many things, it’s been the worst year I can remember bar none, and it’s still sticking the boot in as it comes to a close! 

Despite it all, I’m happy! Because as I’ve said before, you have to realise that you’re not the first (even though it feels that way), and you have to let people in because no matter what, everybody’s little differences and traits are the things that will get you through – and without friends it’s a slippery slope!  When I say friends I mean, genuinely, friends, family and colleagues because they all seem to merge in to the same thing in the end – I’m incredibly lucky in that I’ve found I can be “me” in the company of all three and I’m very, very honoured  and humbled to have such superb people in my life – I mean it when I say I couldn’t have got this far without them all!  I can’t help but be happy and optimistic!  Onwards and upwards!

On the good side: 

• The Cross bay Walk.  The weather was atrocious, mud, quicksand and fast flowing rivers – I was threatened with physical violence for having people out in that weather – but it was an experience and a great day and we raised about £1800 for St Johns Hospice
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• The young lass that, out of the blue, decided I needed a hug – still brings a tear to my eye and a smile to my face!
• Nic’s incredibly red blush and grin – fantastic, enduring image, always makes me smile!
• Mel, coming to Alan’s funeral, just to be there for me, thanks so much hun, it meant the world! A real heart warmer at a very dark time!
• The always colourful nights out with Uncle Punk and Aunty T, Dave, Gaz, Geordie Lee, Midge and the rest – you can’t beat a good blast!
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These might not seem like much to some, but they are things which made me smile, warmed my heart or, in the case of the last one, gave me a stinking hangover were a riot from start to finish!  There are far more stories to tell and people to thank, but I’ll do that in person!

The one to top the lot though is being asked by Nina’s niece, Melanie, to be godfather to her little girl, Olivia Rose! I haven’t felt so proud since the day Nina said “Yes!”  I’m not a parent, so I can’t know how that feels but what I can say is that while I have a breath in my body Olivia will be safe and sound!  And I know that even though ‘Great Aunty Nina’ never got to meet Olivia properly she will be watching over her and guiding her too, as she will with Mel and Jennie, the nieces she was so incredibly proud of!

As I said on that popular social media site:

“Mel, you made my year – THANK YOU! xxx”

 

So, what have I learned this year?  Well, one thing stands out like a beacon – my friends (see description above) are truly magnificent people!  I’m doing ok now, but Christmas and January will be very tough – lots of heart breaking memories and the first anniversary of Nina’s passing on the 17th of January.  But I know that if I need someone to lean on there’ll be no end of people that will be there for me!  And that is the feeling, knowledge and belief that has got me through the darkest times this year has thrown at me!  I’ve also learned a lot about myself, not all good I might add – but – I can do something about that can’t I?

Anyway, enough!  Lots of things to look forward to next year and a bit of added responsibility too!  But before that I will be seeing 2010 out with a bang and kicking it’s backside well and truly into touch!  Life can be a bitch – but so what?  You may as well enjoy the time you have or there really is no point!  As Mr Edmundson would have said “COME ON!!!!”

Best wishes for Christmas and the New Year one and all – lets all have a blast!!