Not muttered for a while but here goes…………

A lot can happen in the space of a year, from my perspective, as you all know, it can be devastating! But I’m just one person, the things that have happened to so many of my friends, colleagues and family don’t bear thinking about!

But still, everyone manages to soldier on, more often than not with a smile and a good word and it blows me away and at the same time makes me ashamed of myself too, because you can get to a point where you think you’re the only one suffering and I’ve been guilty of that many times!  Yes, last year was terrible! Twelve months ago I was vowing to do this and that, and trying to be as positive as I could, and I meant it!

This year Nina’s mum passed away, my family had to go through an inquest into my brothers death (not initiated by us I might add, but it’s amazing where some people can see a £ sign! – luckily and correctly, no one made any money from his death!) and I’ve had a cancer scare – I’m lucky, all clear, but I have so much respect, sympathy and empathy for those who are affected by it and fight it every day! I’ve had a few other ‘troubles’ too, but no worse than the day to day things that everyone copes with! I’m not looking for sympathy, many people have had it much worse and they have my full respect and support!

The upshot is that everything hit me like a ton of bricks and I’m now being treated for depression – the amazing thing to me is that virtually everyone I’ve spoken to about it says things like “Yeah, been there, which pills you on?” or “Me too, it happened when………..” and I was amazed by how many people have been there, taken it in their stride and got on with life the best way they know how – amazing! It’s easy to let your head get so far up your own backside that you can’t see the bigger picture!  I’ve done this before and used up all the cliché’s and I’m the kind of person that always believed that I didn’t do stress or get depressed about anything – how wrong was I?  Leave the brave face at home and just be myself!

I’ve been called a “fruit loop” today because I apologised for something I perceived to be out of order, and it made me laugh, made me realise that I’m taking myself far too seriously and it seriously humbled me – she’s been through virtually the same as me and takes everything in her stride – as do all her family – but Jennie and big sister Mel (who, without going in to detail, has shown so much strength of character this last year you wouldn’t believe, and has babysat me on several occasions too – I pay her in vodka – sorry Mel! lol!), well lets say I should be learning from them – two amazing young ladies who I’ll owe a debt of gratitude to as long as I live – love you girls!

There’s been a few high spots – Newcastle, never going the Grainger again or the most expensive curry house in the world but a good day out non the less; Manchester, what a blast – the Chinese Buffet was so very impressed by the 76p tip we left! Cross Bay Walk, again, always an experience and I’d recommend it to anyone – fancy dress next year!! Easter, Tony’s memorial day, a blur, but I’m assured that it was a good one!!

Well, to paraphrase a well known Monty Python line – Depression “I fart in your general direction…..” – I don’t mean to make light of an illness, and no offence intended to anyone who suffers badly from it but seriously, I think about all my great friends and family that make me laugh every time I see them, you know who you are, and the new ones that I’m just getting to know who do the same and I think how have I come to this – laughing so much in their company yet so miserable at home?  Well, no more – call me Fruit Loop by all means when you see me, I won’t be offended, it’ll keep my head from slipping up my arse again – although I think a few of you will have other names for me!!

Take care everyone, I look forward to raising a glass and having a giggle with you all!

Cheers!!