As this year draws to a close it’s doing its best to stick the boot in before it goes – no, not me again, before you say it!

We said goodbye to Billy Billington last week, too young at 54, but a top guy who will be sorely missed!  My heart goes out to Vikki and her family, to lose a close family member is tough at any time, but on Christmas morning……..say no more!  A close mate got a good kicking in a pub (the details are still a bit hazy but now we know he butts and bites!!). I know plenty of people who’ve been and are about to go through anniversaries of recent tragedies, all tough to deal with at the best of times …………again, say no more!  They say there are only two certain things in life – death and taxes – I work in one field and one of my best friends deals with the other – small world!

Anyway, under the circumstances I’ve done OK. It’s been a strange journey, one that lots of people have taken, so I’ve had no end of experience to call on to help me deal with my own circumstances – that’s what friends are for!  They are there for you unconditionally – and that is the key word!  They’ll give you an ear to bend or a shoulder to cry on but will equally tell you when you’re, to put it bluntly, being an arse!  What they don’t do is constantly make you feel like you owe them a debt of gratitude!  You might feel that way towards them for their past kindness, that’s fine, but they won’t deliberately make you feel that way! 

I’ve learned a lot this last few months, mainly due to counselling it has to be said, about myself and how I perceive other people and in some cases it has really shocked me! I’m no different to anyone else in most areas.  I’m lucky enough to have a job, I enjoy a pint (or three), love spending time with friends old and new down the local and quiet time with that special someone! When I go out, I fully intend to have a laugh and enjoy myself, to have the craic to coin a phrase – just like everyone else!  I’m getting on with my life the best way I can after a horrible few years! Apparently, by that token, it means that I think being in the spotlight is the be all and end all of existence!  The irony of that statement and the person it came from is blinding!  I was in so many peoples shadows when I was a kid because I was quiet, shy, awkward, useless with women, ginger, lazy eye (not a vast amount in my favour and I hated myself!) and was always the one that got told “but you’re like a big brother to me Kev…….it would be weird” by the girls (although that’s not all bad because I still have close friends because of that too) but some people took advantage of that and pulled stunts on me more than once and made me look ridiculous – but hey, we were kids, and chances are I’d have done the same so no real harm, no foul, it’s history!  I lost my dad when I was 23 and that started to change me, “Nothing can hurt like this, so why have I put up with all this rubbish……..?” I thought! Unfortunately I’ve found out the hard way that things can and do hurt more, as we all know I’m sure!

So, anyone who I see on a regular basis now who didn’t know me then will probably read how I described my younger self and think “Sod off!” – well except for the ginger and useless with women bits!! But, I have changed – I like myself – and that’s a really liberating feeling for someone like me and if I do appear to be in the spotlight it’ll be for the right reasons (unless I’ve been drinking that yellow stuff again – cheers Karen!) and so what, maybe this is MY 15 minutes of fame, I have nothing to apologise for!

We all make mistakes, it’s natural!  Some can cause trouble, some are an inconvenience, some are just downright insignificant – but mistakes nonetheless, and can be forgiven in most cases, in time in other cases!  But we don’t all make calculated attempts to undermine peoples relationships – phrases like “I was just looking out for you!” or “I didn’t mean to be like that, I was drunk!” just don’t wash! Being obnoxious for the sake of it and giving yourself licence by saying “don’t be offended by it, it’s just how I am!” doesn’t wash either, there’s no need, again it’s calculated, don’t pretend it isn’t!

I’ve worked hard to get myself sorted and back in the right direction and NO ONE is going to undermine that with petty mind games and downright childish nastiness – NO ONE! I know who my friends are and I love them all for all I’m worth!!

So, I wish everyone a very happy and prosperous New Year and that it brings you everything you wish for!  Eat, drink, be merry yadda yadda – I know I will……………….now where’s that bloody spotlight?